I won’t lie; I’m very tired as I’m writing this on Monday night, and I really don’t feel like writing. Even more so, I don’t feel like rushing to put this out extremely late tomorrow, so here we are! Happy Labor Day.
This week was a pretty decent week. I had been dealing with a lot of anxiety for the last three or four weeks and I was excited to talk about some things with my therapist, who I saw on Friday. I am so happy with my experience with her. It can be so extremely difficult to find mental health professionals in general, but especially where I live, since we don’t live in a super populated area, and specialists can be hard to come by around here. Before I started college, I had a therapist who was very nice, but there were a lot of red flags and questionable things going on. Just to give you an idea, I would see her as my personal therapist, but she was also my parents’ marriage counselor, and that’s just such a huge no-no. Ultimately, we all ended up deciding that she wasn’t all that helpful anyway and we all decided to move on. When I was in college, I had several sessions with the therapist who was there to help students living in the dorms, and she was such a spectacular person, as well as a mental health professional. I genuinely don’t know if I would have made it through without her. I also saw a man named Paul one time when I went in for urgent care counseling, and he really helped me through a crisis and inspired me to keep moving forward when it felt like there was no way through. Eventually, because of the resources I was offered from the Patient Care Coordinator at my school, I was able to find my current therapist through an online mental healthcare organization and I have no plan of ever changing providers until I absolutely have to. Anyway, I felt that I was able to get a lot of things off my chest (except for one HUGE thing that I was just WAITING to tell her from the moment it happened, but I FORGOT to tell her) and I have been feeling much better since then. She suggested that I get The Shadow Work Journal from Amazon, since I told her about how much journaling and writing has been helping me work through things going on in my life. I have shared journal entries with her before, but I have never used journaling as a tool as much as I have recently, and I think it’s really helping a lot. I ordered the journal the same day and I’m still waiting for it to come in, but I’ll give an update after I’ve used it a bit.
Also, last week I was able to really get to work on preparing for my garden. I won’t say too much here because there’s a whole post all about it coming out on Thursday, and I don’t want to ruin the fun. All I’ll say is that I’m pretty happy with the location I ended up with, it’s exciting to see progress being made and documenting it through photos, and I hope the seeds I started the other day are happy and growing quickly so I can see them become sprouts very soon.
Here's me working on clearing the garden space to get it ready for planting!
The big news of the week is that I went on vacation this weekend with my family for Labor Day. We went to our favorite beach, which we have been going to my whole life. I love it there and would love to live somewhere nearby one day. We headed out there Saturday afternoon, and it’s only a couple of hours away from home, so we were there around dinnertime. We stayed in a house that we rented through VRBO so we would have plenty of space to relax since we were also there with my aunt and her dog. Once we met up, we stopped at a nearby grocery store to grab some things to make dinner at the house. We had delicious chicken fajitas for dinner and it was really fun to be able to cook at home. We usually stay at a hotel, which is perfectly fine, but for the most part, you have to eat out the whole time since you don’t have a kitchen. This was a really nice change. My aunt is really into board games, so we also had plenty of room for everyone to play together since we had an actual dining table instead of a little hotel table.
I was really grateful that I ended up getting a room to myself because my sister decided to share a bed with my mom. Sometimes, when there aren’t enough beds for everyone, we rotate who gets to sleep alone so that it’s fair. Everyone was happy with our arrangement, though, so we slept that way both nights, which was much appreciated by me.
Sunday morning, we got up, and my dad cooked breakfast for everyone, which was delicious. We went to a beach down the road and climbed on the big rocks to get to the beach, which isn’t actually sand but lots of little rocks that are beautiful and fun to look at. I loved beachcombing and looking for the prettiest rocks, shells, and sea glass. I had never found sea glass there before, but I found three pieces and ended up taking one home. I also found one really cool shell that I took with me, and that was going to be it, but I accidentally left one more small shell in my pocket, so that one came with me, too. We all took a selfie together on the beach, which was really cute because I don’t really have a lot of pictures with or of my dad, and I don’t think we have any pictures of all of us together, so I’m really glad we did that.
A little friend we found in the tide pools
After that, since it was Labor Day weekend, we went to an event called Art in the Park, which they only hold a few times a year on certain holidays like this. We absolutely love this event because it’s where lots of local artists come together to sell the things they make. There are always so many cool and interesting and beautiful things to see and buy. I bought a few things. I got a couple of stickers from a booth I bought from the last time we went, and both of them went on my journal. There’s a lady there who makes perfumes, lotions, and soaps, and my sister and I each bought a roll-on perfume from here last time. I don’t buy and wear perfume, but I LOVE hers, so I have been dying to get another one. I had looked on her website and picked one that I was interested in, but she didn’t have it that day, so I picked a different one, and I am so happy with what I ended up with. One booth had all ceramic items, and I had seen them there last time but didn’t get anything from them. I got two necklaces for myself separately, but then I saw one of the ladies running the booth had two pendants on the same necklace and I liked how that looked, so I did it, too, and now I have an extra necklace for something else. My mom said she liked the little ceramic pendants also, so I picked one I thought she would like and a ceramic turtle for her fish bathroom.
I love new new pendants, and the beach sticker on the front of my journal is my favorite of the two that I got.
For lunch, we went to a restaurant that we’ve been going to for dinner for as long as I can remember, but I don’t think we had ever been there for lunch. We ate outside so the dog could be there too, and the weather quite literally could not have been better. The clam chowder was positively magnificent, but the fried fish platter was fairly mediocre. I was perfectly happy nonetheless.
We also got to walk around a shopping strip near the beach, which was fun. My aunt bought coffee for my sister and me, which was very sweet of her, and the coffee was spectacular, too. We stopped into some shops and got a couple more things. I got a sticker and a surfer moisturizer stick from one shop and an absolutely gorgeous new top from another. My sister and I also got our fortunes from one of those Zoltar machines, and I bought her a flat penny with an octopus on it.
I couldn't wait to wear my new top. I absolutely love the colors and the flowy shape of it.
Later in the afternoon, we went to the regular beach to go play in the water. It was my aunt’s dog’s first time at the beach, so he got to sniff around and explore. My mom and my sister boogie-boarded. I wanted to touch the water, but I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to get in. I ended up getting all the way in and “playing like an animal,” as I’ve called it in the past. I just couldn’t stop running into the waves and swimming around in the water. I am NEVER more free than I am in the ocean. There is nowhere else in the world where my head is so clear, and nothing else matters more than being right where I am. I only thought about three things out there: don’t be the furthest one out, don’t flash anyone, and don’t lose any jewelry. I don’t think about people watching me or what I look like. I just play. It’s the best thing ever.
My mom took this photo of me running into the waves. I can't even begin to explain how much fun I had out there.
That night we ate in again, but this time we had pork loin with mashed potatoes, broccoli, and a great salad. After playing hard at the beach, it was really nice to get to stay in and eat dinner in my pajamas instead of having to be out in public at a restaurant.
This morning when I woke up, my aunt had gone on an early dog walk and brought back pastries for breakfast, which was so nice of her. My mom and I had fun taking slices of everything and pretending to be food critics as we tried each item. Everything was yummy, but my very favorite thing was the chocolate chip pumpkin bread, which really isn’t much of a surprise, since my favorite thing to bake is pumpkin bread.
Today, we went for a walk on the boardwalk along the beach, which was very nice and relaxing. We all kind of took it at our own pace. My sister likes to walk fast and be independent, so she led the way. I was not too far behind her because I needed a break from being with everyone, and my mom stuck with my aunt and her dog, and they talked as they walked. We all met back up in the car with my dad because he just likes to relax and listen to the waves. We had lunch at another staple restaurant for our family, and the fried fish platter here was outstanding; it was much better than the other restaurant, plus we were just steps away from the beach.
The stunning view from the boardwalk
When we got back to the house, we said goodbye to my aunt, because she had a much longer drive home than we did. After she left, my dad took my mom and sister downtown to walk around while I put my bathing suit on to go back to the beach. I just needed one more chance to go play in the water, and I’m so glad that we figured something out that worked for everybody. My dad and I drove to the beach and he sat on a bench on the pier while I played. The water was much calmer today, so I couldn’t go running into the waves like I did the day before. Instead, I just swam around, which was still so fun because I love swimming and I love the idea of swimming in natural bodies of water, but I often get too scared. I don’t usually let myself get deep enough in the ocean to swim, but since the salt helps with buoyancy, you don’t actually need to go too far out before you can swim. Also, I just find myself not to be comfortable being in lakes because in the shallow water, the lake floor is mushy and gross, and in the middle of the lake, I don’t like that you can’t touch the ground at all. In the ocean, the ground underneath you is just sand, and most of the time I was able to just reach my feet down and stand back up if I wanted to. Around the time I was feeling like I was done anyway, the lifeguard had to walk up and down the beach to alert everyone that there had been a shark sighting nearby and to enter the water at their own risk. I decided that that was my cue to get out and call it a day, which was fine with me. I felt very satisfied with the time I had gotten in the water and I didn’t want to risk making an unexpected friend. My dad took me back to the house to get cleaned up and we hit the road. We got home around 7:30 or 8 o’clock, and as much as I never ever want to leave the beach, it sure is nice to be in my own house again.
The very best showers are the ones after you get out of the chilly ocean water.
Here’s to a great weekend and a short work week. More next Tuesday. Until then…
Love always <3
Nicole
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