Things are going soooooo much better than they were in some of my recent life update posts, so I wanted to talk about how things are going well. I feel like so much of this is based on my cycle and I’m in my ovulatory phase as I’m writing this and I can tell how much more energetic and motivated I feel toward life and writing and the other things I want to do. I’m hoping to be able to keep pushing and setting myself up for continued success even when my body moves closer to my menstrual phase again.
Anyway, where should I begin? I feel so much more clear and grounded than I did just about two weeks ago during my period. I was feeling overwhelmed, tired, stretched too thin, confused, and irritated, and it was a lot to handle. One thing that changed after that big week was that my social calendar slowed down quite a bit, but I also immediately felt so much clearer and lighter as soon as I stopped bleeding. That was really eye-opening for me. I’ve known in the past that a lot of my ups and downs are related to my hormones and my cycle, but it was really wild for me to be able to see that major of a shift happen as I moved from my menstrual phase to follicular.
Also, speaking of my body and my health, Saturday afternoon I went to urgent care because my throat had been swollen for five days. One of my best friends, AP, offered to come with me, and I was nervous to accept her offer, but I was so glad she came. We were there for over two hours and talked the entire time we waited in the lobby, and, of course, even more when we waited in the examination room. I would have been so bored without her there. I felt a little bit frustrated when I finally got to speak with the physician’s assistant because I felt like he wasn’t hearing what I was saying about what I was dealing with. I didn’t have the type of sore throat that you get when you have a cold or some other illness like that. It was uncomfortable to swallow like they had asked me, but for a different reason. Instead of having a scratchy type of sore throat, I could feel that my throat or possibly my tonsils were inflamed and there was a lot of pressure, which made it unpleasant to swallow. It was difficult to explain that I wasn’t having pain, per se, just a lot of discomfort from the inflammation. I was also having pain in my neck, near where my lymph nodes are in the front, and in the back of my neck. I got tested for strep, the flu, and covid, which all came back negative just as I expected. What was weird about the whole thing was that I didn’t have any other symptoms of any illness; no cough, no phlegm, no fever, nothing. Even though we knew I didn’t have strep, we assumed I had some other kind of bacterial infection, and he put me on an antibiotic and prednisone. I was already feeling better before I went to bed Saturday night, but I knew the real test would be how I felt the next morning because that’s when it’s the worst. I woke up Sunday morning feeling like nothing had ever been wrong with me in the first place. I’m so happy to be feeling better.
Returning to the topic of feeling so much more clear-headed, I feel like I’m making some good mental, emotional, and spiritual progress. I’ve been able to think more. Sometimes I feel so lost and confused, or I get so laser-focused on something that I feel like I can hardly think about anything else, but recently I’ve been able to think more deeply about things and a wider variety of things, too. It’s so refreshing to feel like I’m not just stuck in a spiral like I sometimes do. I’ve been feeling a lot more confident about how my writing is going and feeling like less of a phony for wanting to pursue writing in different ways as time goes on. Also, I can tell I’m in a good spot right now because I’ve been able to explore new music, which is big for me. Plus I started wearing bracelets in the past couple of days and that’s notable too, because usually they’re kind of a sensory issue for me, but I’ve been really enjoying the little sounds they make when I move my hands a lot. Those two things don’t sound like much, but for someone who listens to the same music and podcasts over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, it’s a big deal.
I got my first oracle deck yesterday and I’m so excited about it. AP and I went to Barnes & Noble after our urgent care trip and a big plate of Chinese food. I’ve been wanting a tarot or oracle deck for a couple of years, but I had always heard that your deck was supposed to be divinely directed to you or something, rather than you just going out and buying one. We were just checking out what they had since there were shelves full of all kinds of different ones, and this one deck just felt like the right one. It’s called The Ancient Stones Oracle deck. I couldn’t deny that I had a certain feeling about it, so I bought it. And right there in the Barnes & Noble Starbucks, we sat down and did a one-card reading. I pulled the Alignment card and it was just so shocking to me how it was telling me exactly what I’ve been saying recently. Each card has a few words underneath the name of the card, and this one reads, “It’s coming together. Precision.” The explanation in the guidebook also says, “It’s a sign that things are really starting to sync for you. A physicalization of the flow that’s coming into your life after a period of building. It’s likely you’ve been working toward this for some time or that you’ve recently made some decisions that have started to have a real impact…. Perhaps you’ve decided to focus on what really matters to you, making decisions from what feels congruent rather than what the outside world told you to do…. Your ideas, dreams, and visions are coming together. Your time has come. Congruence and alignment are here.” I was just sitting there in awe as AP read this to me. This is what I’ve been saying, and you’ll see a little bit about that when I post on Thursday about a new topic in the Signs series. I’ve been feeling that big things are coming soon. Big changes are right in front of me and I know they are for the better. So to have pulled this card in my reading was really crazy and validating for me.
I also think the word “precision” on the bottom of the card is interesting because right before we went to Barnes & Noble, we ate at a Chinese restaurant I had been wanting to introduce her to, and my fortune said “Before you wonder, “Am I doing things right,” ask “Am I doing the right things?”” I know I’m on the right path, just taking one step at a time.
My two best friends from my hometown and I have been planning to get coordinated tattoos together for months, and our appointment was set for this coming Saturday, but we’ve had to alter our plans. No problem. I’m pretty excited for whenever we do get to get them done because I finally feel really comfortable about what I’m getting and pretty decent about where to put it. I found it on Pinterest and I loved the design, but there was something about it that just didn’t feel like me, so I played around with it and I love my simplified version. It's an homage to my relationship with the hawks, as they only continue to speak to me and guide me in the right direction. I’m so excited to have their likeness with me at all times as I walk through the rest of my life.
This is the original piece from KNSTARTSTUDIO. I have purchased the rights from this artist to use their design for my tattoo. :)
This is the version I have decided to go with. I think all the little stuff is cute, but it didn't feel quite like me. I love the simplicity of this version and I'm really excited to get it inked.
Those are most of the notable things from the past week. I’m thinking I might start using my two posts per week to do one life update and one miscellaneous topic. That’s definitely not a set-in-stone plan, just a thought. We’ll see how things go, especially as I move into my luteal and menstrual phases. One thing I will say about my writing here is that it feels tough for me to plan and write ahead no matter how badly I want to have content prepared because it’s so based on how I’m feeling in any given week. I’m still working on how to balance planning and feeling in my work here, but what’s important is that I’m having fun and right now I definitely am.
Love always <3
Nicole
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